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Tervetuloa lukemaan keskusteluja! Kommentointi on avoinna klo 7 - 23.
Vierailija

Lapselle ilmeisesti tullut uhmaikä. Aina on kiltisti antanut pukea vaatteet päälle, vaan ei enää. Tulee kyllä, kun sanon että aletaan pukemaan. Mutta siinä vaiheessa, kun yöpaita on saatu pois ja alan aluspaitaa laittamaan, show alkaa. Rimpuilee vastaan, lyö, itkee huutaen. Vaikka yritän rauhoitella, ei auta. En huuda, lopuksi en sano mitään. Vaiti vain puen väkisin vaatteet päälle. Sääliksi käy vain lapsi. Tuntuu niin rajulta väkisin laittaa vaattet... Onkos oikea tapa?

Kommentit (6)

Oikein teet! Rauhallisesti puet, anna huutaa ja kiukutella. Et reagoi mitenkään, puet vaan. Kyllä se ohi menee, kun tyttö huomaa, että ei saa itkulla tahtoaan lävitse.

otin kaapista kaikkia vaatteita kaksi kappaletta.

Sitten jokaisesta vuorollaan kysyin " laitetaanko tämä vai tämä" ja puettiin sitten aina se vaate jonka lapsi oli saanut valita. Kyllä oli polleaa poikaa kun ihan itse sai vaatteensa valita eikä tarvinnutkaan tapella pukemisesta :)



sama juttu on auttanut muihinkin kiukutteluihin. Kun on saanut valita syökö banaania vai omenaa välipalaksi, ei olekaan tarvinnut alkaa keksiä vaatimaan :)



Kannattaa kokeilla.

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riitelemään itsekseen, puet itsellesi ja sanot hei hei.

Eiköhän ala vaatteet menemään päälle jos luulee jäävänsä yksin..



Kuulostaapa julmalta:)

How to Tame Your 2-Year-Old



Dr. Phil offers advice if your toddler has you running ragged and taking a " bite" out of your sanity.



Find out what your child values the most.

Usually, it' s time spent with their parents receiving attention. A very effective consequence for undesirable behavior is isolation, with no social reinforcements. Find a room or place that is devoid of stimulation to put them in when the bad behavior occurs. The room shouldn' t be scary or ugly in any way, just find a place that withdraws them from stimulation. If you like, install a video camera in the room so you can keep an eye on your child from another room.



Make a commitment to follow through every single time they misbehave.

They have to understand with 100 percent accuracy what is going to happen when they misbehave. You have to make a commitment that no matter what, everything stops and the isolation is immediate, relevant and short term. If it happens at 1:00 in the afternoon, the consequence occurs at 1:01, and is over by 1:05. You have to interrupt the disruptive behavior every single time with something that they do not value. Once you establish that, the behavior will extinguish.





# Biting

Kids bite because they' ve run out of socially acceptable ways to express themselves. They don' t have a big vocabulary. They' re either scared or frustrated, and they feel powerless. They are very oral at that time so they bite, usually other children. It doesn' t make it OK, but you should understand the motivation of the behavior.



# Sharing

Don' t ask a 2-year-old to share. They do not understand the concept of sharing at this point, and until they are 4, it is unfair to expect them to share. If you know there' s a toy that is going to be a problem, don' t take it to a place where there will be other kids.



# Throwing food

As egregious as this is, some of it is normal. Kids are exploring. But if there' s a pattern developing that is pretty consistent where your child finishes eating, then starts throwing, the child needs to predict the consequence of his or her actions. They need to understand that they have to get out of their chair and clean the food up.



# Screaming in restaurants or other public places

You have to be prepared to drop everything and walk out of the restaurant. And not the entire family. Your child needs to understand that, " Daddy and my little brother get to stay and have a nice dinner, but I have to go out and sit in my car seat in the car with Mommy who is ignoring me."



# Running away from you

Chasing your child is like a game of tag with them. Of course, you want to do what you can to keep them out of the street. Let them know that they cannot run away. If they run, put them back in the stroller. If you put them on the ground and they take a step, grab them back up and communicate that they cannot get back down until they can stand there.



# Excessive crying

Kids often keep crying as long as it seems to work for them. It is a powerful form of communication for them, and they won' t move to the next level until you require them to do so. Are you rewarding you child with comfort and attention when they cry? Feeling guilty and reassuring a crying child can shape them to cry to get rewards. Make those rewards contingent upon good behavior and you' ll shape it with as much efficiency as you did the crying. Try ignoring the crying. And rather than assisting them in response to tears, you could say, " We' ll be glad to help you when you can pull yourself together and ask for help in a big boy voice." The message being: it' s not good to cry about small things.



Kids bite because they' ve run out of socially acceptable ways to express themselves. They don' t have a big vocabulary. They' re either scared or frustrated, and they feel powerless. They are very oral at that time so they bite, usually other children. It doesn' t make it OK, but you should understand the motivation of the behavior. Don' t ask a 2-year-old to share. They do not understand the concept of sharing at this point, and until they are 4, it is unfair to expect them to share. If you know there' s a toy that is going to be a problem, don' t take it to a place where there will be other kids. As egregious as this is, some of it is normal. Kids are exploring. But if there' s a pattern developing that is pretty consistent where your child finishes eating, then starts throwing, the child needs to predict the consequence of his or her actions. They need to understand that they have to get out of their chair and clean the food up. You have to be prepared to drop everything and walk out of the restaurant. And not the entire family. Your child needs to understand that, " Daddy and my little brother get to stay and have a nice dinner, but I have to go out and sit in my car seat in the car with Mommy who is ignoring me." Chasing your child is like a game of tag with them. Of course, you want to do what you can to keep them out of the street. Let them know that they cannot run away. If they run, put them back in the stroller. If you put them on the ground and they take a step, grab them back up and communicate that they cannot get back down until they can stand there. Kids often keep crying as long as it seems to work for them. It is a powerful form of communication for them, and they won' t move to the next level until you require them to do so. Are you rewarding you child with comfort and attention when they cry? Feeling guilty and reassuring a crying child can shape them to cry to get rewards. Make those rewards contingent upon good behavior and you' ll shape it with as much efficiency as you did the crying. Try ignoring the crying. And rather than assisting them in response to tears, you could say, " We' ll be glad to help you when you can pull yourself together and ask for help in a big boy voice." The message being: it' s not good to cry about small things.

avoid problems before they start

Establish a timetable



Setting up a routine gives young children order and predictability ¿ something they love. It will help you to give enough time to devote to your little terror and to yourself without thinking that you are being selfish. You should also schedule time for any other children you have who' ve not been taking over your life. Finally, remember your partner. That way everyone is happy!

Count down to the next action



Once you have set up a timetable remind your child what time each action starts and finishes. An example might be how you prepare them to leave for the childminder' s in the morning. Tell them " In ten minutes we' re leaving for the childminder' s aren' t we? What time do we do that?" and keep reminding them.

That way, when you ask them to put on their coat ready to go out they' ll know why and are less likely to kick up a fuss about it.

Involve them in tasks



While you' re at it get them involved in getting ready. Persuade them to try and put on their coat, get them to look for their shoes. Do help them, but involve them ¿ they enjoy it! Believe me, in years to come you' ll long for the days when they were so keen to set the table¿

Work together



Even if you' re a single parent, the chances are you' ll be sharing the care of your child with friends, new partner or extended family. One sure way of making life hard for yourself is not working in a team with the other carers. If you don' t back each other up your kids will quickly sense a weakness in the system and start to play you off against one another. You' ll end up with even less control than before.



Work with your partner or other carers to establish a routine and ways of telling the children off. Make sure that everybody understands them and then... stick to it! Remember kids will respond better to the discipline if they get one consistent message from all their carers.

telling them off



A good ticking off is inevitable sooner or later, but there are ways of getting your point across more effectively.

Come down to their levels



It' s hard to ignore someone who is staring right into your eyes ¿ even if you are the master manipulator and you' re only three years old. Plus, if you are telling them off it will be easier for them to see that you are serious, that this isn' t all one big game.

Change the tone of your voice



Make your voice firm and lower the tone. It' s another clue that you are not playing a game ¿ and it tells your bundle of joy that you are, in fact, angry with them.

Explain what your child has done wrong



You have to tell your child what they have done wrong, otherwise they won' t understand why you are angry and they won' t learn what makes good behaviour good and what makes bad behaviour bad. An example might be, " Don' t bite people, Tommy, because it hurts and it' s naughty."

when they just go right on doing what they' re doing

Use the ' naughty step'



* tell them that if they continue they will go and sit on the naughty step i.e. a chosen area on your staircase ¿ it' s out of the way of the family and out of the way of fun.

* give them a chance to be good but if they just won' t listen take them to the naughty step, tell them what they' ve done wrong again and tell them how long they will have to stay there: for instance " Until you are ready to say sorry" or " Until you are ready to sit at the table and eat your tea."

* Follow through. Don' t let them leave the stair; don' t let them continue their naughty behaviour. Be firm.



nb: if you live in a bungalow how about a ' naughty corner' ?

Follow up your threats with action



Just imagine that your bank said you' d have to pay interest if you went overdrawn, but then let you off saying, " Well, just this once then" . You go overdrawn a second time and they fail to charge it again¿ You' d soon get the idea that it doesn' t matter if you' re overdrawn and could be sunning yourself in Barbados or driving a Porsche safe in the knowledge that your bank doesn' t seem to care.



That' s what it' s like when you tell your child not to do something and threaten them with a punishment¿ and then say " Oh ok, you don' t have to sit on the naughty step¿ but don' t do it again" and give them a hug. Would that stop you from biting Smelly Sarah from next door? I don' t think so. This really is the key ¿ if you don' t back up your words with actions your child will not do as you say.

Praise them when they do something good



Reward good behaviour with praise. If they come back to the table after sitting on the naughty step and eat up all their tea give them their due. Raise your voice, lighten your tone and say " Well done! You ate all your tea." After all, they' ve actually done something good and they will feel pleased about pleasing you!

Be consistent



Most important of all ¿ follow through, follow through, follow through. Empty threats don' t convince anyone ¿ even a two-year-old child. You might feel like the meanest person in the world while you are enforcing this good behaviour, but remember the child that everyone laughed at school because they were constantly howling and playing up? Remember the bitchy kid who always had to have their own way? That' s the monster you will create if you let your snookums get away with whatever takes their fancy. So do it for your child if you can' t do it for your own peace of mind!

more tips

Sibling squabbles



You may find that your little darlings are always at each other' s throats, particularly if you have children of different sexes as they probably won' t have common toys to play with. Involving them in games that require them to play in teams or against other people, not just on their own, is a good way to get them to " play nicely together" . They can learn to enjoy each other' s company without biting, hitting, screaming and crying.

Bedwetting ¿ an idea



Not all bedwetting is done for this reason but you have to admit it' s a brilliant way to get attention! When the bed is wet the sheets have to be changed and the poor bedwetter gets to climb in bed to snuggle up with mum or dad. They may not do it on purpose but it does mean they get attention. Genius!



A simple way to address this is to gently wake up your child just before you go to bed yourself and sit them on the toilet. Once they' ve been, tuck them up again. You' re likely to find that emptying their bladder on this extra occasion solves the problem.

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